How Unlearning has helped me to become Myself again

We are all born at a given point in time, with all our genes and in a certain environment, which may or may not highly impact our future life and what we become. Realizing this helps me to see who I am now, what has shaped me throughout the years and more specifically what I want to unlearn from my past to re become myself.

I was born as a girl (obviously!!)  into a family composed by my dad and my mum. Both impacted by their experience during the end of world war II. Both very religious, catholic to be precise.  4 years after I entered the family, came my brother. The family decided to settle down in the small village of my grandparent’s mother side, building their own house.  Both of my parents’ hard workers and strong believers in hard working, they raised us, my brother and myself with this notion of hard working, rather showing us how to put up with life than how to enjoy it.

Although since this is all they knew and in a way this was the way they had been raised, they have been happy like that and one could say they are enjoying their life like that.

Please don’t get me wrong, I do love my parents, and I am very thankful for what they have done and given me and I am very grateful to still have both of them.

One can say, that my Mum was also the one with the biggest influence during my childhood, often saying to me

    • This is not meant for a girl!
    • A girl does not smoke
    • Don’t say that, this is not for a girl!
    • You won’t be able to drive a motorbike
    • A girl does not travel alone etc etc…..

 

This is how I ended up with a lot of negative chatter in my head about what a girl can or can’t do, should or should not be doing.  I realized much later in my life, how this has held me back from doing things I craved doing.

I also realized that since I wanted my mum to love me, I always tried to please her and live up to her expectations, resulting in the fact that I was either mad at myself, or mad at her. I could feel a lot of tension in my body and also I do remember that we used to have a lot of fights the 2 of us, which often ended up in me giving in as I wanted to please her.

Reflecting on my past life, while going through my change of life, I suddenly became aware of all that influence, pleasing, and more importantly that this was not the way I wanted to continue living my life, and certainly not the way I wanted to raise my daughter.

I suddenly realized that I had been living in response to the expectations of others, the one from my mum, my dad, and then my husband, and what about my expectations?

  • Did I actually know what they were?

All I knew is that I had to change this way of living, because it felt terribly wrong and I had to start stopping what I had been doing for years in order for me to simply be smiling, be happy and enjoying the beauty of life.

And more specifically, I had to start unlearning the negative chatter around what a girl can and cannot do.

I suddenly became aware that I wanted to please the most important person in my life, ME, and also I wanted my daughter to live up to her expectations. So I needed to role model this attitude for me and for her.

But how was I supposed to do, to achieve this? Did I actually know what I wanted, who I was?

This is how I started to write, put down all what came to my mind, my values, my beliefs, starting this blog. Sharing with you has helped me to rediscover myself, who I was and always have been what was important to me, all this helped me to realize that everything I was holding back from, started to become possible.

Me somewhere in Columbia

And you know what, it felt so good, it felt rewarding, in a way easy and I felt proud of myself and who I am becoming again. I also realized that the opinions of the others, which I use to value a lot and often put before my proper opinion, did not matter anymore. I did make room for my own opinion which I have learned to value since I have understood what is important for me. We can not please everyone, and this is good. Each of us we have our own life and journey. I love my life and my journey, they help me to reconnect with I am truly are and help me to feel free and happy

What have you started to unlearn to become yourself again?

Unlearn to become curious, courageous, bold and  yourself again!

6 Replies to “How Unlearning has helped me to become Myself again”

  1. Great post Brugitte.. I have a similar experience of people pleasing and though I think it’s normal as children I think that’s where a lot of us get caught up far into our adult life. Which causes huge problems that then culminate in crisis round about middle age – hopefully we can help our kids to grow healthy relationships to their inner soul -isn’t it funny how we can learn together with and for our children? And how things repeat themselves 🙂

    1. Thank you Karin, yes indeed your children are our greatest teachers at some point, and their candid and yet innocent way of approaching things can really help us to grow back into ourselves… a bumpy and yet wonderful journey

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