When we first met, the first thing I said to my future husband was : “You are standing in my way”. Back then I did not realize the impact of those few words on my future life.
It was December 25, 1999 my two best friends invited me to a party, a party which is still held every year on December 25 in Basel, and is considered the party in town. Back then I had been single for quite a while and enjoyed spending time with my gay friends; however, on that particular evening I was not really keen to that party. So I joined them very reluctantly. They picked me up around 10 pm. We had some drinks and off we went. The party took place in a dark dodgy cellar. The music was good though and the audience turned out to be amazing – full of happy people, some dressed up in drag queens, and handful of straight people. I just loved it.
I invited my 2 friends for a drink and as I made my way to the bar, there in front of me stood this man: short, good looking, wearing leather trousers. This man was blocking me from getting access to the bar and buying drinks for my friends and so I said to him:
“You are standing in my way”.
My accent made him laugh and that is how we started talking to each other. I instantly knew what was happening and felt attracted to him. I also felt really comfortable talking to him, I felt we had seen each other yesterday and just picked up the conversation from there. Is this the kind of feeling we have when we meet our soul mate? Was this man my soul mate? Lots of questions in my head, however one thing I understood immediately – I was going to marry him.
And so it was. Since I do not believe in coincidence, I know there is a divine order to the magnificent mystery of our lives, I firmly believed in the deep and sincere connection I felt toward this man, and I thought I had found my soul mate and simply trusted my gut feeling about the whole situation. Also having met him on a December 25, he was simply the most beautiful Christmas gift that life had ever given me. And after 6 months of dating, we got happily married.
During our first year, we moved into my small flat in France, and after a while, we decided to move and go live in Switzerland, where we found a nice and cozy flat full of light along the Rhein river. My husband was setting up his business and working crazy hours and I was working shifts. There was not a lot of time for the relationship. Still, life felt easy and happy. Yet, from time to time, I would get some whispers from life, e.g., getting fever while going on holidays with him. Being French and an introvert, it was also tough – at the beginning – establishing myself in this Swiss culture.. However, the trust was there and a solid foundation of love too which made up for a lot.
In 2006, we moved again – this time into the house where his father grew up, which we completely renovated. It was a beautiful old house. I quickly realized however that I would never feel at home there. The house was too dark and the energy – even though we cleaned it out – felt bad. Six months after moving in, we had a accident with the heater and all the rooms of the house were blackened with soot. We had to temporarily move out and have it all redone for the second time in a row. Was this life whispering to me again?
In 2007, our most beautiful gift – our daughter – was born. This had a huge positive impact on both of us. She was our sunshine! We were no longer 2 but 3 with this lovely little baby girl between us.
So we kept living a “normal” life with more and more things getting in between us. Conversations and discussions became less and less and the sparkle and the shine of the beginning were slowly disappearing. Neither one of us intended to do anything to change it as we were simply both caught up in our own worlds. During all these years, life had whispered to me:
- Wake up
- Do something
I simply felt paralyzed, incapable of doing something. Don’t’ ask me why. Maybe I was simply not ready for the big thing, which would be a separation and moving out.
Now I know, just as if if you want to be successful in your career, doing a sport etc, it requires hard work, so does marriage. It helps to know that men and women are wired differently and that knowledge can help create the environment needed for a happy partnership or marriage. I love how Mark Gungor, a pastor from the US, approaches the topic in his book Why Men and Women Think Differently?
As I look back, I guess our marriage suffered from a lot of misunderstandings, misalignment, lack of resilience and lack of common goals. Also my constant search for my life purpose, became a burden to our marriage. Each of us simply started to pursue our own goals which normally in itself would be a good thing except in our case we should have kept some quality time for us as a couple. Instead, we forgot about our marriage in the midst of all that.
So we slowly drifted apart, losing interest in each other, in our marriage and I did not see it coming. Although life had constantly whispered to me, sending me warning signals, like roads signs cautioning me about an upcoming bump:
- I did not see them.
- I did not hear them.
- Or did I simply ignore them?
The consequence of me ignoring all the whispers was going to be dramatic. Anger, sadness, drama, separation, etc…. And the road I was on back then, became really bumpy and dark and scary. However, I was forced to engage on that road. And it helped me to start listening to the whispers life keeps sending me. This is how I learned to listen to myself, to pay attention to the road signs in my life. It also helped me become well – more radical – or should I say now I see all the road signs in my life and consciously decide whether or not I follow them.
Because had I listened to the whispers – when I first met my future husband on that night of December 25, 1999 – I would for sure not be at the place in my life where I am right now. I have learned to be fully present, be fully grateful for all the experiences life is offering me. I am grateful for what I have and I live and enjoy every moment of my life.
I am sharing my story with you in the hopes that it will help you take a different perspective about your current situation, about your life story, and help you become aware or better aware of what life is whispering to you. Having gone through all this I can now say it has been for the greater good, my greater good.
What has life whispered to you? Did you listen to it?
Have you ever bumped into any road signs?
How was your experience?
I can only encourage you: be curious, be bold, be yourself!