This strange relationship between the power of doing nothing and my own balance

This morning I got up with a strange feeling. I felt I had lost my balance, my stability, my strength, my inner peace and maybe my north star. All I wanted was doing nothing, what this is essence of finding my balance again?

Just like every other morning, I started off with my meditation using Headspace, an mediation app, and today’s topic was about resistance. What was I resisting?

• Myself?
• My own life?
• The way my life was going?
• The path my life was taking?

Many questions, yet I did not have the answers.

Gosh, this was a lot for a early morning start, what a heavy topic and where was this going to take me? Since  I quite (a lot of) of my former life, I had a strong feeling that I have been mastering letting go and reaching a kind of serenity quite well – and yet – this morning I was feeling instability, unsteadiness, floating somewhere around in space.

Where was this coming from? Did something happen over the last days to trigger that feeling?  let’s have a quick review

• I had a call with my mum last night, which could have affected my feelings. She mentioned her family (which I am part of obviously! ) in such a way that I felt excluded from it and the sentence she had been saying was still running around in my head.
• Then I saw some friends from my past life, who I was happy to meet up with and yet I realized later that perhaps it was not the best thing to do, as I noticed that I am still recovering from my former life.
• I also knew that I had to take a decision regarding my next step in my professional life and still I felt that I was missing some important data points.

All combined just simply made me feel dizzy, unsteady and shaky. I was standing at a crossroad and I had to decide either go further or surrender totally or ?? I simply did not know, what was behind these questions? how could I further discover what I needed so I could find my balance, and get my serenity back. I knew deep down that I could only rely on myself to find my balance again.

So as I often do, I went to Google and searched “find my balance” and this how I came across the following article A simple tool for balance by Master Mikel Steenrod, one of 11 living lineage holders of the 4 Ascendant Sphere Purity Adept School of the Tao – a 1,500 year old mystery school tradition. Impressive right?

Reading through this article just confirmed me that first of all I – or rather my way of thinking- was the cause or the origin of my imbalance, and second if I wanted to find my balance again, I simply needed to do nothing and start looking at things differently.

• What did my mum really want to say when she referred to her family and made me feel as being excluded? what is actually important here? I am not sure! After all it was her phrase. So I have decided to forget about that sentence and I sent it mentally back to my mum.
• I also realized that I had some expectations around meeting friends from my former life which obviously were not met. Again it was my way of seeing the whole situation, so also here I decided to let go off these expectations and just accepted the meeting as a nice, kind yet superficial reunion.
• About my next career steps and the missing information, here I also decided it is up to me to get in touch with my inner self and first probe what I do want and then get the information I need to make the right decision.
• Finally I also try to transform any of my negative thoughts into a positive one, which allows me to move on in a joyful way.

So by not being judgmental, by sending back the things which did not belong to me, by re-framing my expectations (or even letting go of my expectations) and also, at the same time, by stepping up for myself when and where it was needed – I helped myself to get my balance back.

This very fine line of balance, serenity, happiness, inner peace can very easily be chopped off. Yet with the right awareness, the subtle art of letting go or stepping up for yourself and putting a positive lens, I do manage day after day to put myself back on the roach to finding myself.

How do you experience imbalance?
How do you get your balance back?

Be curious, be courageous, be bold and be yourself