The positive impact of my saboteur

For years, I have gone to bed or gotten out of bed with this little voice ” my  own little saboteur” in my head which was saying things like:

I told you: it will not work
I told you: you will fail!
I told you: no one will notice you!
Didn’t I tell you? You are not worthy!
So annoying right!!

And to be honest, it took me a while to realize what this was all about, what or who this little voice was.  Actually for years, I have been thinking that this little voice nagging me, telling me off, complaining all the time was my voice. I thought it was my inner self sabotaging me. And I started to call this little voice: my saboteur. While it was there all the time, it became really loud, and sometimes even unbearable. Especially when I had to make decisions moving forward, showing up, and speaking up.  This little voice was always holding me back from standing my ground. And many times, this little voice was not there to protect my best interests.

Again pretty annoying, I can tell you.

Also It was often difficult for me to discern whether this little voice was now the saboteur in my head or whether the voice really had a valid point – since it had often protected and defended me from bad decisions (or at least this is what I thought it was doing).

I did some research, google it, etc., and found the approach of Terry Elston.  In essence he is saying this little voice are really old habits, comments from someone else.

So nothing to do with me! It was such a relief when I started to understand this.

How many times did I hear” I told you: you are going to fail” I heard it from my parents, my entourage, not blaming anyone here, but it definitely left a mark.

So knowing that this little voice was NOT me, I started to develop my own approach on how to handle it.

First, I started to visualize my saboteur.  My saboteur is something between a human being and an animation – quite similar to a little devil, looking in a very sneaky way over my left shoulder and being there ALL THE TIME.  Quite similar to the one on the picture below:

 

What a saboteur

You can clearly see in its eyes — and in its attitude — all the negatives, all the sneakiness, all the nastiness!

 

Second, I started to use one of the tricks Terry explains here  (That Little Voice in Your Head – The Law of Attraction,)  So every time my saboteur would talk to me I would change the voice in my head to a different voice, sometimes a weird one, sometimes a  funny one and this helps to dissolve the effect.

Last, I decided to take a meta approach on my inner voice and every time I would hear this saboteur, I would listen to it “from above” so to say without any judgement, just quietly sitting and listening to what that voice had to say and its point.

Following these 3 easy steps, visualizing my saboteur, giving it a very funny or odd voice, and just listening to its remarks without being judgmental, helped me to start having a different relationship with it and seeing it from a very different angle. I actually started to have conversations with my saboteur, and reflecting upon its sayings and even sometimes laughing out loud over its comments.  As time went by, we started to get to know each other better and make the best use of each other comments.

So now every time I hear this little voice, I use its remarks in a positive way as it often brings out different perspective which I had not thought about. BUT the decision on whether to listen to it – or not – stays with me — and I am more and more conscious about what comes out of my saboteur.

So I really encourage you

  • to give your little voice a picture, or even a name,
  • to change its voice to a funny or weird one
  • to take a meta approach to its remarks

And you will start to realize that this little voice can become your ally, as it can really add a different angle to the situation you are in. However, since you know that this is just an old habit or some random comments from your entourage, and definitely NOT you, you will be in full control of your decisions.

This is how I have learned to live with my saboteur, and actually appreciate its presence as it always helping me to see things in a different light and bringing across new ideas. As controversial as this might sound, it is helping me to open up my mind to every moment, to every new experience, to the changes in my everyday life. It made me realize that when I am unable to change a situation, I can change my approach so that the experience itself is altered and often in a positive way.

Unveiling my saboteur helps me find my road to myself and live up to my inner wishes –every day.

Have you met with your “saboteur” how do you live with your inner voice?

Be curious, be courageous, be bold and be yourself!

 

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